There Does Seem to Be, Possibly, a Problem With Self-Expression, as Well as Connected Release

Austin Heeney
3 min readJan 7, 2023

was thinking about this the other day, and it got the mind thinking. in a sense, being a past musical artist for years, there was a major realization. the realization was that, when an idea was released, when a song was released; when a feeling was communicated correctly, or anything along those lines. what seemed to happen was a sense of happiness, in that it was successfully communicated — or transferred over. into what you say? well, not sure. the universe, the air, just released from the inside to out. now that is important, again, from the inside of yourself, to the outside. but the problem was, as it felt, that it wasn’t mine anymore. it was someone else’s. it was done, and over with. as it felt great to do, there was and is a sense of emptiness that happens. in a sense, not that it wasn’t good enough, but that it was over with. it was time for someone else to enjoy it, whether one person, or 1,000 people, or what have you.

was brought to one particular song i wrote tonight, not going to go into details on which one as it’s quite personal, but it hit me hard. but the problem was, is that it wasn’t “my song” anymore. even though, you could say ‘i’ wrote it, well it’s not mine anymore. it was released, and over with. now it felt good to do so. real good. but the emptiness settled in, and would ask myself, “is that it? is that all it’s worth?” not in necessarily a bad or good way, just asking those questions. on a brighter note, remember the days recording it, what was happening, and how it felt. oh yes. but i just don’t know, music is very beautiful. and chasing after ideas and bringing them to life was extremely addicting. but when it was over with, and nothing more could be essentially ‘done’ to a song. it either turned out good or bad right? well yes, in a way you could say.

but one of the most beautiful things that happened, was that it made a connection. but at the same time, it was all said and done. there were times, where i wanted to chase that feeling again. in a sense, write another song. but it is a cycle and repeat. the emptiness settles in again. and one would just wonder why?

supposedly, one of the bigger realizations, was that reality is not ideal. unfortunately, i do accept that i am an idealist…